Holding it Together

Almost fifty years ago, Chinese Communist Party Leader Mao Zedong proclaimed that Women Hold up Half the Sky.

I’m unsure if this slogan was motivated by an authentic desire for sexual equality or from a more utilitarian awareness that there was a lot of untapped resource in China. Probably the latter.

Chinese women quickly learned that the reality of economic freedom doubled their workload as they juggled long days working outside the home with sole responsibility for childcare and household chores.

In New Zealand during the 1980s, girls were told we could be and do whatever we wanted. We were encouraged to think broader than teaching and nursing as future careers and strive to be as well-educated a possible. The Girls Can Do Anything campaign became our mantra.

Of course just like the Chinese, we quickly discovered that if we also wanted to be parents, we needed to plan careers around fertility rates. Combined with the introduction of user pays tertiary education in 1990 and before the advent of paid parental leave and 20 hours free childcare, this burden could be crippling.

And then of course there’s the existence of the glass ceiling which continues to keep many women in check – especially those who choose to take time out to raise children. There’s not much time left to smash ceilings on reentering the workforce.

But I’ve digressed.

What I’ve actually been thinking about lately is how men are often viewed as a result of sharing half the sky with women.

My husband works hard both inside and outside the home for which I am grateful.

But what I struggle with is the accolades afforded to him for his contributions in areas traditionally thought of as female domains. On one occasion, visitors were blown away by his knack at folding fitted sheets. This skill (which eludes me) practically earned a standing ovation.

Many times I have been told how lucky I am that he is so helpful at home.

Why is it that a male cooking tea is applauded as a massive contribution to family life? Or a teenage male pushing a baby in a buggy, is viewed as caring and nurturing but a teenage girl is gossiped about as a slut? Why, when a male stays home to care for children is he revered as the ideal father/partner while many women returning to work with babies/toddlers struggle with guilt compounded by (perceived or real) judgement?

Of course I don’t have statistics to back this up. Just personal experience.

And I certainly don’t have the answers but it seems to me that by striving for equality on male terms, we inadvertently created a halo effect for the men who stand alongside us. Probably not what Mao Zedong had in mind but nor, I suspect, was it what the feminists of the 70s and 80s had in mind either.

What is heartening (and I really hope works for future generations) are campaigns such as #likeagirl which slams the derogatory connotations of the phrase “like a girl” in a bid to empower young women to not just change the conversation but to lead it on their terms.

Redefining like a girl might seem less lofty than holding up half the sky but take it from a class of ’89 graduate, even half the sky was impossibly heavy.

Encouraging girls to broaden occupational aspirations in the mid-80s NZ